Monday, July 21, 2008
"Never regret anything."
I've always told myself that I've never regretted or will never regret anything, because my own actions teach me the most valuable lessons. Seeing as how I've made possibly the biggest mistake of my teenage life, I don't believe in that anymore. I basically had the biggest epiphany, which is, it's impossible for anyone, especially myself, not to regret their own actions. Run-on sentence, oh well. Anyway, I don't think I've ever felt this kind of emotional pain before. I've never felt such a deep regret. Whenever asked the question: "If you could go back in time, would you change anything that has happened in your life, and if so, what?" I would always say that I wouldn't, because it made me who I am today. I thought that I loved who I was, but finally seeing through to who I really am, I don't love me. I let down the best person I had in my life. If I could go back in time and change one thing, I would change what I did to him. None of it was worth what's happening now. Not only did I ruin one of the best things in my life, I ruined his very own outlook on me. I don't want him to think that I'm not one of the real people in his life, because I am. I don't know how to show it now that I murdered everything he thought I was. I'm not proud at all at what I did and how I lied, but how can I take it all back? I can't, so the question is, what can I do to make this better? I ask people all the time, but do they really know what's best? No. So I have to solve it on my own, but I'm such a mess, I can't even think straight anymore. I've become such a foolish person. I've been crumbling and crashing down on even the littlest amounts of stress given to me. It's hard to even work now, because my personal life is being exhibited through my professional life. Pathetic, because it shouldn't be. This whole post was going so well in my head, but now that I'm typing it out, it just doesn't sound right. I can't even organize my thoughts and jot them down well anymore. I'm so sick of people seeing through my smiles, I just want people to think things are okay, because it will force me to believe they are. It's so silly how I've always lied to myself about my own happiness. It works, but it's just not sensible. I guess I'll just finish another time since I can't really focus..
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Define REASON.
Main Entry: 1rea·son
Pronunciation: \ˈrē-zən\
Function: noun
Etymology:
Pronunciation: \ˈrē-zən\
Function: noun
Etymology:
- Middle English resoun, from Anglo-French raisun, from Latin ration-, ratio reason, computation, from reri to calculate, think; probably akin to Gothic rathjo account, explanation
1 a: a statement offered in explanation or justification <gave reasons that were quite satisfactory>
b: a rational ground or motive <a good reason to act soon>
c: a sufficient ground of explanation or of logical defense; especially : something (as a principle or law) that supports a conclusion or explains a fact <the reasons behind her client's action>
d: the thing that makes some fact intelligible : cause <the reason for earthquakes> <the real reason why he wanted me to stay — Graham Greene>
2 a (1): the power of comprehending, inferring, or thinking especially in orderly rational ways : intelligence (2): proper exercise of the mind (3): sanity b: the sum of the intellectual powers
3archaic : treatment that affords satisfaction
I've looked over this definition numerous times and I've come to the conclusion that "people" have NO FUCKING COMMON SENSE of what reason is. Why do people that are angry continuously choose to make their state of being worse by jumping to any available source of disappointment and anger? Why care about shit that shouldn't even matter? Logic > Emotion anyday, anyway, anyhow! You know that you're irrational when you don't mean the things you said when you were mad once you've found your calm again. So why not think about that before you speak? It saves loads of pain and frustration with whom you seem to be having a conflict with. Having said that, I'm tired of dealing with people who have difficulty finding their center when they speak to me. I'm definitely not intending to speak highly of myself when I say this, but when I'm having an issue with someone, I try to be as mature as possible about it so I don't have to look like an ass later on. Why is it that people can't have the same respect for me as I do for them? Then later on they admit that they were being "irrational." Why can't we skip the bullshit and get straight to the point and be open about things from the beginning? It would save so much more time that we could be using to be productive and POSITIVE. I hate negative vibes and I hate it when people bring that shit around me, because happiness is so hard to find. I've found happiness within myself, so I'd appreciate it if people could understand that and just go along with it. If only the entire population was more open-minded and upfront... but that's impossible, because we'd have peace. And we all know that peace shouldn't even be a word in the dictionary. whatever though, lawlz. I'm done.
- Kari Nicole
b: a rational ground or motive <a good reason to act soon>
c: a sufficient ground of explanation or of logical defense; especially : something (as a principle or law) that supports a conclusion or explains a fact <the reasons behind her client's action>
d: the thing that makes some fact intelligible : cause <the reason for earthquakes> <the real reason why he wanted me to stay — Graham Greene>
2 a (1): the power of comprehending, inferring, or thinking especially in orderly rational ways : intelligence (2): proper exercise of the mind (3): sanity b: the sum of the intellectual powers
3archaic : treatment that affords satisfaction
I've looked over this definition numerous times and I've come to the conclusion that "people" have NO FUCKING COMMON SENSE of what reason is. Why do people that are angry continuously choose to make their state of being worse by jumping to any available source of disappointment and anger? Why care about shit that shouldn't even matter? Logic > Emotion anyday, anyway, anyhow! You know that you're irrational when you don't mean the things you said when you were mad once you've found your calm again. So why not think about that before you speak? It saves loads of pain and frustration with whom you seem to be having a conflict with. Having said that, I'm tired of dealing with people who have difficulty finding their center when they speak to me. I'm definitely not intending to speak highly of myself when I say this, but when I'm having an issue with someone, I try to be as mature as possible about it so I don't have to look like an ass later on. Why is it that people can't have the same respect for me as I do for them? Then later on they admit that they were being "irrational." Why can't we skip the bullshit and get straight to the point and be open about things from the beginning? It would save so much more time that we could be using to be productive and POSITIVE. I hate negative vibes and I hate it when people bring that shit around me, because happiness is so hard to find. I've found happiness within myself, so I'd appreciate it if people could understand that and just go along with it. If only the entire population was more open-minded and upfront... but that's impossible, because we'd have peace. And we all know that peace shouldn't even be a word in the dictionary. whatever though, lawlz. I'm done.
- Kari Nicole
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